Our children are our most precious creation, from the moment they are conceived and, for many, long before conception. To raise our children and create the adults we dream they will be we do our best to instill and apply many different things everyday. Its the "layers" our parents created that made us who we are today. Every technique we "apply" molds our children, if you mix two techniques you may have an entirely new concept or result. No two creations are the same. You can use the same palette with each child but keep in mind that there is no guarantee they will turn out or respond to it the same. Yeah a play on words but that is the gist....
On my site for my portraits I say that "I believe in illustrating from the inside out. I pride myself in bringing life and inner spirit to all my pieces." Same goes for my children. Best advice I was ever given from an art professor was never to give a child a coloring book (occasionally is definately fine IMO, lol) When you do you create limitations in exploration and expression.... give a child a blank page the imagination is endless ~ We should always approach parenting our children with an open mind (a blank canvas), being open to many ideas, thoughts or techniques and not with the boundaries of one technique or belief system (or what worked or didn't work with another child). One thing I've learned as a mother of 3 is that as soon as you think you have them figured out a new twist emerges and you are back to square one (or close to it, lol) Sorry to ramble, hopefully that makes sense, and like many books out there or blogs, some will find what I write interesting and useful and others will find it of no interest. My only hope is that what I share is added to your palette of resources. To use and to apply, with other colorful concepts/techniques, to bring to life a beautiful child :)
A bit about my blog :)
As a mother of 3 I've definately seen my share of trials and trubulations with parenting and "life" in general, lol. Especially since there is a wide range in their ages :) I have 3 amazing sons, Daniel is 15, Stephen is 10 and Hunter is 3 years old. I was 26 when Daniel was born in 1995 and 40 when Hunter was born in 2007. BIG difference in not only ME but also in my resources and approach.
My choices as a parent were not only based on my experiences with each child but with circumstances in my life, that we as a family, all faced. My mother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in 1993. She fought long and hard for 7+ years sadly passing only 4 weeks after my son Stephen was born. My stepdad also struggled with complications from cancer at the same time and sadly passed in 1997. My older sister Jamie was diagnosed with aggressive Breast cancer in 2007 and in 2008 it came back again, she underwent chemo treatments but sadly she lost her fight on April 17th 2009. My younger sister Colleen was diagnosed with Breast and aggressive ovarian cancer in October of 2007. She currently is undergoing a third round of chemo after a long and couragous treatment plan the first time around. We are expecting she will be in remission again very soon! My other older sister Missy too has the BRCA-1 gene and has successfully taken preventative steps to reduce her risks of cancer. Although the news is bittersweet, I'm proud to say I do not carry the BRCA-1 gene mutation but it is very hard knowing I am the only sister who was spared this horrible genetic cancer mutation. I share this because I think it is important to understand that life can often be very difficult. And even in those darkest moments we need to find our inner strength and have faith that we will get through it. What my family was facing surely had an impact on my choices as a parent and my appreciation for the smallest things in life.
I have spoken to many other parent in my journey as a mom. Most often on my favorite site for moms of tots and moms to be www.I-am-pregnant.com. Having been asked if I used certain well known methods or my opinion on them, my reply is always the same. I dont follow any specific method but I do reference them since I did find some of what they recommended very helpful with my children and an important part of my technique palette. I dont believe a mom needs to approach one as "all or nothing". I dont use a "this or that" method, I use a bit of many or create me own :) That is how my palette was created for each child and how I will continue to parent and encourage my children to parent :)
My choices as a parent were not only based on my experiences with each child but with circumstances in my life, that we as a family, all faced. My mother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in 1993. She fought long and hard for 7+ years sadly passing only 4 weeks after my son Stephen was born. My stepdad also struggled with complications from cancer at the same time and sadly passed in 1997. My older sister Jamie was diagnosed with aggressive Breast cancer in 2007 and in 2008 it came back again, she underwent chemo treatments but sadly she lost her fight on April 17th 2009. My younger sister Colleen was diagnosed with Breast and aggressive ovarian cancer in October of 2007. She currently is undergoing a third round of chemo after a long and couragous treatment plan the first time around. We are expecting she will be in remission again very soon! My other older sister Missy too has the BRCA-1 gene and has successfully taken preventative steps to reduce her risks of cancer. Although the news is bittersweet, I'm proud to say I do not carry the BRCA-1 gene mutation but it is very hard knowing I am the only sister who was spared this horrible genetic cancer mutation. I share this because I think it is important to understand that life can often be very difficult. And even in those darkest moments we need to find our inner strength and have faith that we will get through it. What my family was facing surely had an impact on my choices as a parent and my appreciation for the smallest things in life.
I have spoken to many other parent in my journey as a mom. Most often on my favorite site for moms of tots and moms to be www.I-am-pregnant.com. Having been asked if I used certain well known methods or my opinion on them, my reply is always the same. I dont follow any specific method but I do reference them since I did find some of what they recommended very helpful with my children and an important part of my technique palette. I dont believe a mom needs to approach one as "all or nothing". I dont use a "this or that" method, I use a bit of many or create me own :) That is how my palette was created for each child and how I will continue to parent and encourage my children to parent :)
My first born Daniel ~ Dude #1 ~ AKA Danielson
Daniel was born 10/12/95 via c-section. I was a little more then a week over due and very tired having gained 58 lbs. He was called a "floater" by my doctor. To big to drop and engage so a vaginal delivery wasnt an option. I had driven 2 hours for this appointment. My husband was transferred when I was 8 months pregnant and I just didnt want to change doctors. My doctor didnt feel it safe for hubby and I to drive home to prepare for my section so he scheduled it 2 hours later. I later understood why, my water broke as I was being prepped and the funny feeling I was having was early labor, lol. He was a healthy 9 lbs 13.5 oz. A BIG boy! When my doc delivered him his exact words were "Here is your hot fudge sundae!" (My favorite food while pregnant, lol.) We would remain in the hospital for 6 days because Daniel was very jaundice and needed light therapy prior to going home.
Back in '95 there was no such thing as the internet, one of the BIGGEST resources now available to moms today. If I had a question or concern the only people I could turn to were my close family & friends, my doctor of course too and ironically the Oprah Show or TV, lol. Books and magazine articles were also resources I could reference for advice. I lived 3 hours from my family so most contact with them was via the phone. Calling family and friends in the spur of the moment when I didnt know what to do was often difficult since many worked full time and cell phones were for the most part non-existant so sending a quick text was also not an option. My time to reach them was pretty limited. Without the internet reaching out for help with an instant message or email just wasnt an option. I spent many days feeling alone and overwelmed with few people to talk or turn to. Looking back I dont know how I survived... no wonder I felt so worn out by the time the sun set. I had this most beautiful precious little person to care for. Often he was smiling and gazing at me. Even more often though he was crying because I was trying to put him down so I could accomplish other tasks that needed to be done.
In those moments of dispair when I just didnt know what to do, I'd curl up on the couch with my little man and we'd snuggle close ....perhaps we'd both fall asleep (I'd secretly hope for).
That was the only way my little Daniel would sleep. Either curled up so cute and cozy in my arms or proud daddy's arms. Needless to say our nights were very long and tiresome.
As a new mother my world was turned upside down, inside out and backwards (I would later learn I suffered from a mild case of Post Partum Depression). I had a very limited palette of resources. No first hand experience as a mother, only what little I knew as an Aunt and baby sitter. It was just me and my sweet baby boy and 4 walls 40 hours a week as daddy worked. My days as a mom would be approached with alot of trials filled with many accomplishments and many errors.
Back in '95 there was no such thing as the internet, one of the BIGGEST resources now available to moms today. If I had a question or concern the only people I could turn to were my close family & friends, my doctor of course too and ironically the Oprah Show or TV, lol. Books and magazine articles were also resources I could reference for advice. I lived 3 hours from my family so most contact with them was via the phone. Calling family and friends in the spur of the moment when I didnt know what to do was often difficult since many worked full time and cell phones were for the most part non-existant so sending a quick text was also not an option. My time to reach them was pretty limited. Without the internet reaching out for help with an instant message or email just wasnt an option. I spent many days feeling alone and overwelmed with few people to talk or turn to. Looking back I dont know how I survived... no wonder I felt so worn out by the time the sun set. I had this most beautiful precious little person to care for. Often he was smiling and gazing at me. Even more often though he was crying because I was trying to put him down so I could accomplish other tasks that needed to be done.
In those moments of dispair when I just didnt know what to do, I'd curl up on the couch with my little man and we'd snuggle close ....perhaps we'd both fall asleep (I'd secretly hope for).
That was the only way my little Daniel would sleep. Either curled up so cute and cozy in my arms or proud daddy's arms. Needless to say our nights were very long and tiresome.
As a new mother my world was turned upside down, inside out and backwards (I would later learn I suffered from a mild case of Post Partum Depression). I had a very limited palette of resources. No first hand experience as a mother, only what little I knew as an Aunt and baby sitter. It was just me and my sweet baby boy and 4 walls 40 hours a week as daddy worked. My days as a mom would be approached with alot of trials filled with many accomplishments and many errors.
Dude # 2 ~ Stephen :) AKA Stevie Wonder or Steve-a-reno
Oh my sweet Stephen :) I tried for over 2 years to have him but no such luck. Never assume that getting pregnant right away the first time guarantees it will happen so easy the next. When I realized I was I was floored and SO overjoyed!! Daniel was 4.5 when I had Stephen. My pregnancy was filled with much stress because sadly my mom was in the hardest fight for her life against ovarian cancer. I was SO fearful she'd not make it to see him but by the grace of God she did :) I cherish every photo I have of her holding him, was so glad my doc released me a day early so I could go home and be with her, she was waiting at my house to spend time with her newest grandson. My sister drove her 3 hours to see him.
I was SO touched when my doc came in to see me prior to my release. She wasnt even on duty, she wanted to be sure my mom had made it. When you choose a doctor for yourself or your children it is very important your doc sees you as a person and not just a number. A compassionate doctor who is there for you, what ever the need be. Prior to my delivery I was scheduled for a section again. I often cried at my prenatal appointments, I was so afraid that even if my mom held onto til he was born, traveling 3 hours to her would be to hard while healing from a c-section. My doc suggested a VBAC. She felt Stephen was smaller and that I was a safe candidate for one. Stephen was born via VBAC 3/3/00. A healthy 8 lbs 3 oz. :) Would I consider my VBAC a successful one? Not completely, I explain more later...
My husband, Daniel and I were SO overjoyed! Being a parent of two however isnt as easy as one. Especially when my husband (who SO loved spending time with his boys!) sadly had been transferred again and was now working nearly 60 hours a week between work and travel time. This is when I first used and fully understood the meaning of being a "married single parent".
I was SO touched when my doc came in to see me prior to my release. She wasnt even on duty, she wanted to be sure my mom had made it. When you choose a doctor for yourself or your children it is very important your doc sees you as a person and not just a number. A compassionate doctor who is there for you, what ever the need be. Prior to my delivery I was scheduled for a section again. I often cried at my prenatal appointments, I was so afraid that even if my mom held onto til he was born, traveling 3 hours to her would be to hard while healing from a c-section. My doc suggested a VBAC. She felt Stephen was smaller and that I was a safe candidate for one. Stephen was born via VBAC 3/3/00. A healthy 8 lbs 3 oz. :) Would I consider my VBAC a successful one? Not completely, I explain more later...
My husband, Daniel and I were SO overjoyed! Being a parent of two however isnt as easy as one. Especially when my husband (who SO loved spending time with his boys!) sadly had been transferred again and was now working nearly 60 hours a week between work and travel time. This is when I first used and fully understood the meaning of being a "married single parent".
What should my palette consist of?
We as parents must remember that everything we say and do will impact our children. Every decision made must first be thought out, not just with your brain but your heart as well. There are a number of questions that first need answering before taking on any new challenge. Are you doing this for you and your convenience? Is this best for your child? Is it safe and what are the risks? Are you fully understanding the concern, ruling out all other possiblities? Even though this is what your mom did, is this still considered acceptable or safe today? What is your ultimate goal and is your goal realistic?... And the list goes on.
Another twist to the decision process is remembering that those close to you may or may not support your decisions. And it IS ok for them to be on a "need to know" basis and there are some things they don't need to know. (Assuming all choices are safe, legal and healthy for your child(ren). This is your child, not theirs and although their thoughts and concerns are very important and should be added to the palette for consideration, it is still ultimately your decision and that of your partners, should you be in a partnership. To avoid some conflicts you will just need to decide what family matters will be shared and which you will not. For example: Co-sleeping (I will go into this in much more detail later but for now a small tid bit). Not everyone supports co-sleeping. More people do it than are willing to admit, especially when their babies are no longer newborns and are now young toddlers/children.
All to often when I am discussing things with other moms regarding things they've decided to do or not do they often reply with: "My mother or mother-in-law or sister or sister-in-law etc etc says that's bad or I need to do such and such" etc etc. My answer is always the same, take into consideration what they have to say but always remember that as the childs parent it is your final decision so you should never feel obligated to follow their advice.
And so the question remains, what should your palette consist of? Those things that may work in helping, those things you feel have a chance at helping and those things you feel may not help but are worth considering should the need arise to accomplish your goal.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. ~ Mark Twain
Never say never, lol. I've lost track of the number of times moms have said they chose to do things with their kids they SWORE they'd never do. When you are a parent you do what works :) You should never expect everyone else to agree with it. It goes without saying that your childs safety and health should be first and formost of course with all decisions. If you ask the opinions of others on a technique you are considering best be prepared to have some who agree and some who do not. If you dont want to hear negative opinions then it's best to not ask at all.
Some of our greatest acheivements come from the least expected resources.
Another twist to the decision process is remembering that those close to you may or may not support your decisions. And it IS ok for them to be on a "need to know" basis and there are some things they don't need to know. (Assuming all choices are safe, legal and healthy for your child(ren). This is your child, not theirs and although their thoughts and concerns are very important and should be added to the palette for consideration, it is still ultimately your decision and that of your partners, should you be in a partnership. To avoid some conflicts you will just need to decide what family matters will be shared and which you will not. For example: Co-sleeping (I will go into this in much more detail later but for now a small tid bit). Not everyone supports co-sleeping. More people do it than are willing to admit, especially when their babies are no longer newborns and are now young toddlers/children.
All to often when I am discussing things with other moms regarding things they've decided to do or not do they often reply with: "My mother or mother-in-law or sister or sister-in-law etc etc says that's bad or I need to do such and such" etc etc. My answer is always the same, take into consideration what they have to say but always remember that as the childs parent it is your final decision so you should never feel obligated to follow their advice.
And so the question remains, what should your palette consist of? Those things that may work in helping, those things you feel have a chance at helping and those things you feel may not help but are worth considering should the need arise to accomplish your goal.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. ~ Mark Twain
Never say never, lol. I've lost track of the number of times moms have said they chose to do things with their kids they SWORE they'd never do. When you are a parent you do what works :) You should never expect everyone else to agree with it. It goes without saying that your childs safety and health should be first and formost of course with all decisions. If you ask the opinions of others on a technique you are considering best be prepared to have some who agree and some who do not. If you dont want to hear negative opinions then it's best to not ask at all.
Some of our greatest acheivements come from the least expected resources.
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